BRAAAAAAAINS!!

Okay, I'm a wuss when it comes to scary movies. I mean, I can tolerate one every once in a while, here and there, but over all I tend to generally stay away from them. (When I was a kid I used to be afraid of the Michael Jackson "Thriller" video! Yeah, I know, if I could I would kick my own ass!) The ones that really get to me are the zombie movies. I remember when I was little we used to live on a street that ended in a 'T' intersection, and we were about a mile away from a cemetary. Whenever we'd get home real late, I'd always look up to that intersection fearing that one night I'd see a massive crowd of zombies heading our way. It never happened of course, but I never stopped having that fear. I've sort of curbed it now that I'm older, but of course whenever I divulge this fact, I still get ridiculed. (Is it anymore ridiculous that the fear of clowns I know SOME people have??) Recently I've sat through Dawn of the Dead (Zombies should NEVER be able to sprint after your ass!! That's just wrong on all levels! My only hope was that if the time ever came, I could out run a Zombie. Now what do I have, huh???) which was pretty good, Shawn of the Dead is now one of my favorite movies, and Rob Zombie is one of my favorite musicians. (Does that count?)But these past few weeks have been littered with zombie news. First I hear of a guy who wrote a survival book about what to do in case we ever get attacked by zombies. Not just that, but my brother is telling me that he and his friends have been developing a zombie contingency plan. (Shout out to the Zombie Outlaws on MySpace!) The basis of their plan is that the Costco is THE place to be. Then Marvel comics comes out with a Zombie storyline for all their superheroes. The basic premise is what would the characters be like if they were still superheroes, but also had to cope with the fact that they were zombies? (Yeah, we've all wondered that ourselves from time to time.)I also heard that Stephen King's latest novel, "Cell", has been optioned to be made into a major motion picture by Dimension films. Slated to direct is Eli Roth who directed last year's horror sleeper hit "Hostel". The story is primarily about people who get turned into mindless, violent, zombie-like lunatics by a pulse sent via cell phone signals, and a small band of survivors who try to stay alive as well as discover the fate of their loved ones.And the FREAKIEST story of them all is that there is a new virus that has been discovered in Cambodia that is carried by mosquitoes. Basically, the virus infects the body, ultimately killing it and causing brain death, but then it reanimates the heart, causing the victim to RISE AGAIN...check this out...

Cambodian Troops Quarantine Quan'sul

There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in a small town near the border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia.

Cambodian troops moved into Quan'sul after Malaria victims attack populace.

The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region carrying a new strain of Malaria which thus far has a 100 percent m ortality rating killing victims in fewer than 2 days.

After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it’s victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”

Cambodian officials say that the outbreak has been contained and the public has no need to worry.

General Ary Serey had this to say, "We have obtained samples of this new virus and plan to learn how it starts the heart and other major organs of the deceased. We intend to use this to increase the quality of life for all."

US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice opposed the plan saying that the Cambodian government holds a great biological weapon and should destroy it immediately. Cambodian officials have yet to comment.

A United Nations team will be dispatched to Cambodia to confirm the safety of biological research in Cambodia.

OH MY GOD!!!! Just when I was getting over my fear, something like this comes along and makes me piss my pants all over again. Voodoo Zombies...Mosquito Zombies...Government-Created Zombies (Think about it people, it's only a matter of time if the story above is true!) To the Costco everyone!!